I recently caught sight of a magazine cover touting an article inside that would reveal the Five Fashion Moments that changed a celebrity’s life. The first thoughts that popped into my head were along the lines of Wow, what a stupid topic! and What the hell is a Fashion Moment, anyway?
The next thought was What are the Five Fashion Moments that have changed MY life? And since I know the public is dying to know, here they are, in chronological order:
Linen Cloth Invented (c. 5500 BCE) – Who knows where fashion would be today without this particular innovation! Scholars trace the earliest production of linen cloth to ancient Egypt during the Neolithic period, about 7500 years ago. Art from the time shows men wearing linen kilts and women in long dresses made of the same material. Historians believe that before this innovation, people wore clothes made from stiff tree bark and an early form of molasses, or even less fashionably, fur. Access to easily manipulated textiles is one of the keys to any fashion-forward lifestyle, as everyone from Lauren Bacall to RuPaul can attest. No tree bark outfits for those two!
Mr. Peanut Introduced (1917) – Is there any character, real or fictional, who exudes more sophisticated style than Mr. Peanut? Originally conceived of as a war-mongering Prussian soldier who ate the flesh of those he defeated, Planters Peanuts bought the rights to the character and transformed him into the aristocratic embodiment of nut meat that we all know and love today. What sets Mr. Peanut apart from more ordinary nuts is his choice of accessories: his trademark top hat, monocle, and cane. These fashion implements establish Mr. Peanut as a legume that appreciates the finer things in life. To this day, donning these three classy accessories sets the wearer apart from the t-shirt and shorts-wearing peasants that Mr. Peanut despises.
Burt Reynolds Grows a Moustache (1972) – After his breakout role as a clean-shaven whitewater rafting aficionado in Deliverance, Burt Reynolds shocked the Hollywood establishment by growing a thick moustache. It was a bold gambit that changed the face of 70s fashion. No longer were smooth-faced men like Cary Grant or Gary Cooper considered good-looking or desirable. After Reynolds let loose with his era-defining lip hair, moustachioed sex symbols like Elliott Gould and Jeffrey Tambor were all anyone could talk about! After his death, Reynolds donated his fabulously full moustache to the Smithsonian Institute, where it is currently on display in the museum’s storied Facial Hair wing, alongside ZZ Top’s beards and Al Capone’s nose hair.
Lando Wears a Cape (1980) – The release of The Empire Strikes Back was notable for many reasons, including the reveal that Darth Vader is Luke’s father and the introduction of Jedi master Yoda. By far its most lasting impact, though, has got to be in the world of fashion. When Billy Dee Williams first appeared in the film as Lando Calrissian, one of his sartorial choices rocked 80s fashion to the core. Of course, I’m talking about Lando’s cape. Unlike the floor-length capes of countless superhero or vampire films, Lando’s cape was short, sassy, and built for speed. Whether he was swaggering down the hallways of Cloud City or betraying his friends to the Empire, Lando’s cape stole the show. Not only that, it created an upsurge in cape-wearing that continued throughout the decade. No 80s teen wardrobe was complete without one or two brightly colored capes. Today, if you’re a show like Stranger Things or American Horror Story and you want to instantly signal that your story takes place in the 80s, just stick a few capes on your actors and you’re halfway home!
Mugged by Yves Saint Laurent (1982) – My own personal fashion journey was almost derailed at the outset by a chance encounter with iconic designer Yves Saint Laurent at a 1982 “Codpieces for the Homeless” fundraiser. I was covering the event as a cub reporter for the Vancouver Sun. As the evening’s climactic codpiece auction was going on, I ducked into the bathroom to review my notes and snort cocaine. Before I had gotten twelve lines into my stash, I noticed a familiar face wander into the bathroom: none other than Saint Laurent himself! When he saw that we were alone, he proceeded to remove a length of bamboo pole from his stylish trousers and smack me in the back of the head with it. He forced me to give him constructive criticism on his new fall line, as well as some of my coke. Since that frightening encounter, I haven’t been able to attend a fashion show without feeling the intense, nagging desire for more cocaine.
#MakeCapesCoolAgain