Giblets

Whenever Professor Giblets told students his name at the beginning of a semester, there was always some young wag who made disparaging comments about turkey innards. Something along the lines of “My mom always throws out the giblets” or “Hey, Prof. Giblets, you suck!”

It was after a few comments like this that Giblets would fall into a funk. Or rather, a funky groove. It was the tune to “Tell Me Something Good” by Rufus and Chaka Khan. He would sway back and forth to the music in his head. To and fro, even. His head bobbing in time with the snazzy ditty, Giblets would forget all about his curious last name.

He had actually changed his name to Giblets. His given name was Jonathan Turkey Innards, but he felt that a change to the more euphonious Giblets would put paid to all those rude comments he always got on Thanksgiving. He had politely dismissed speculation that maybe he should change his name to something completely unrelated to organ meat. “Everyone’s name means organ meat in some language!” he scoffed.

And he should know. Professor Giblets taught a course at Yale called Organ Meat and Its Effect on Human Naming Rituals. It was a one-unit course taught in between the Humanities Buildings during the Summer Solstice. He had gotten his Master’s Degree in Semantics from Oxford. Well, technically it was Buenos Aires Upstairs Medical College, but as Giblets liked to say, “It’s all just semantics!”