On Tuesday, California Governor Jerry Brown held a press conference to kick off a new statewide mental health initiative, called “California: We’re Not the Crazy Ones.” The highlight of the event was the introduction of the initiative’s colorful new mascot—Kip the Sanity Manatee.
“Kip will serve as the face of California mental health,” said Brown, flanked by members of the state legislature and numerous mental health case workers. “Research has shown that the public is 46% more likely to discuss sensitive personal issues with a person dressed in a plush animal costume than an actual doctor. With that in mind, researchers came up with the idea for the Sanity Manatee character.”
Colorful new Sanity Manatee costumes will be provided to each county in the state. Local psychologists will then take turns donning the outfit for various outreach projects. For example, the Sanity Manatee might go to a local high school and speak on suicide prevention, or to a tall building to counsel those with a fear of heights.
“Kip’s most important function, though, will be among the state’s homeless population, where mental health issues proliferate,” added Brown. “The Sanity Manatee will roam downtown areas and Skid Rows, establishing a rapport with the homeless and highlighting the need for mental health screening.”
Brown admitted that the program has had a bit of a rocky start. The sudden appearance of a giant plush manatee asking probing questions about mental illness wasn’t warmly received at first. “The first twelve times we sent the Sanity Manatee into homeless encampments, the doctor inside the costume was stabbed repeatedly,” he said. “One doctor was shot several times, while another was tied up and forced to endure an evening of homeless free verse and beat poetry.”
“However, we feel that with more awareness of the possibility of a giant manatee approaching you and asking about schizophrenia, these kinds of senseless attacks will decrease over time,” Brown added. “Especially the poetry readings, those are really hard to sit through.”
Brown told reporters that the initiative was inspired by the recent U.S. presidential election, won by ignorant bigot Donald Trump. “For weeks afterward, Californians were asking themselves, ‘Did that idiot Trump win, or am I going crazy?’ Well, we decided that it was important for everyone to know that the country is indeed going to hell in a handbasket, but that doesn’t necessarilly mean they’re free from mental illness,” said Brown.
Kip was conceived of and designed by a team of California psychologists and cosplay fans, working for months under a grant from the National Institute of Mental Health. The first version was simply a McDonald’s Grimace costume with a lab coat, but the look was refined over a series of gin-soaked lunch meetings. Gov. Brown asserted that the final version “combines the helpful smile of a professional psychologist with the hilarious bluster of a real-life manatee.”
Brown added that Kip the Sanity Manatee is to be the first in a series of lovable characters that the state’s public health services plan to roll out in the next few months. Keep your eyes peeled for Brenda the Clean Needle Prawn, Stan the Epileptic Centipede, and Rev. Jesus, the Anti-Arson Parson. Brown enthused, “If everything goes smoothly, we hope to have a costumed character on every street corner in California!”
Still better than Chuck the Condor. He’s wiggedy-wigggety wack!