March Madness, everyone! It’s Madness, I tell you! . . . Isn’t it ironic that at the same time that college basketball has never looked crappier on the floor, the coverage of the tournament has bloated out to unheard-of levels? AAU and One-and-Dones have all but killed the college game, but ESPN and Fox drone on as if the whole thing is still worth watching. I mean, really, two-hour Bracketology broadcasts? . . . Speaking of One-and-Dones, I’m not surprised to hear that Lonzo Ball’s father LeVar is insisting that any team considering signing his son must produce a docudrama about his life, in which the part of LeVar has to be played by “a young Blair Underwood” 
. . . My Final Four picks: Villanova, Michigan, Gonzaga, and my choice to win the title, Winthrop . . . Winthrop’s 5’7″ point guard Keon Johnson is going to open a lot of eyes around the country, and hopefully win me over 850 grand, if everything falls just right. Enough to set things right with Big Marco once and for all, maybe even have a little left over, so I could start over again somewhere new, somewhere far away from all this bloodshed and strife. Come on, Winthrop! 
. . . Speaking of Madness, here are their best five albums, in my estimation: 1) The Rise and Fall 2) One Step Beyond. . . 3) Keep Moving 4) Absolutely 5) The Liberty of Norton Folgate . . . Over in the NBA, the hilarity continues backstage in Laker-land. Jeanie was right to ditch Jimmy Boy and his hat, but there’s no reason to think that Magic and Kobe’s Agent are the dynamic duo to set things straight. My prediction? They’ll blunder around for three or four years, have Paul George fall in their lap, waste a bunch of high draft picks, throw too much money at B-level players, point fingers, then Magic will step away “for the good of the organization” . . . The most fun players to watch in the NBA, 2017: Russell Westbrook, Karl Anthony Towns, Giannis Antetokounmpo, Kristaps Porzingas, Jamal Crawford . . . 
Back to the college game for a minute: Kudos to UC Santa Barbara for finally firing Bob Williams! Fans have been clamoring for his dismissal for years, highlighted by a protest at a recent game in which crowd members unfurled a huge “FIRE BOB WILLIAMS” banner while chanting “Who’s zoomin’ who?” Looks like Williams is the one who got zoomed! . . . In case you were wondering, that IS Bob Newhart tattooed on my inner thigh. Been a fan since the 80s. Loved Newhart. Couldn’t stand that Bob Newhart Show, though. What a whitewash. Ugh. . . . Speaking of wash, is there any better feeling than reaching into the dryer to retrieve your sweatshirts, only to find that someone already folded them for you and replaced the sweatshirts with a delicious submarine sandwich, which has been kept mouthwateringly warm by the dryer’s gentle heat? It’s the kind of heartfelt surprise that always reminds me of Baltimore . . . Attended my first bear baiting last weekend, can’t say I was all that impressed. That bear didn’t stand a fucking chance. The promoters were trying to sell me on a professional bear baiting league modeled on those in Pakistan and Eritrea, but I can’t really see it taking off in the States. For one thing, they don’t sell beer . . .
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