Paps Papwell’s Three-Dot Hot Takes: Octoberfest!

So anyway, I’ve come to the considered decision that football is a big, dumb, crooked racket. This statement you are reading represents the last three-dot item I write about it . . . Meanwhile, in the realm of sports that aren’t likely to cause permanent brain damage, Major League Baseball has just concluded its regular season. That can only mean one thing: it’s time for Papwell’s MLB Wrap-Up . . . Congrats to the Cubs for dominating the regular season! It will be fascinating to see how they manage to screw up this postseason. Which scapegoat’s getting run out of town this year? My money’s on long-time season ticket holder Hal Sokowski, who’s got nice seats down the first base line. Keep your hands to yourself, Hal! . . . Speaking of screwing up the postseason, nice to see Dusty Baker back in the playoffs, ready to crushingly disappoint yet another fan base! Good luck, Nationals, enjoy your four postseason games . . . Maybe one day, Stephen Strasburg will even get to pitch in the playoffs . . . Loved seeing the Cardinals miss the cut this year. No fan base in sports is less deserving of a good team than those self-righteous St. Louis bozos. Eat it, Jose Oquendo! . . . Over in the American League, some stuff happened, too. Boston and Cleveland and Texas won a bunch of games and blah, blah, blah. It’s all too boring for me to even continue writing about. Wake me when they have a World Series representative . . . Call your bookie! Here are my undoubtedly accurate postseason predictions: NL: Wild Card – Giants over Mets; NLDS: Dodgers over Nationals, Giants over Cubs; NLCS: Giants over Dodgers . . . AL: Wild Card: Orioles over Blue Jays; ALDS: Red Sox over Indians, Orioles over Rangers; ALCS: Red Sox over Orioles . . . World Series: Giants over Red Sox in 6. Remember, these are well-reasoned predictions based on a thorough overview of the teams, not the knee-jerk hopes of a myopic Giants fan . . . Elsewhere in the sports world, it looks like Jacoby “Ladyboy” Winters is the hot new name in NASCAR. His shocking pink car and flamboyant feather boa really set him apart in that usually macho enclave . . . Speaking of horrible ways to spend your time, I just made that last bit up, to see if anyone follows NASCAR enough to notice. Short answer: no . . . With basketball season just around the corner, now’s a good time to stock up on excuses for the Knicks’ poor play. I’m gonna go with “Derrick Rose’s Distracting Rape Trial” for the time being. . . Speaking of dimwitted, washed-up point guards, the transcript for Rose’s deposition doesn’t reflect that well on him. It’s one thing to not know what the word “consent” means, but you’d think that someone who spent so much time in Chicago would at least know that “bone in” refers to pork chop sandwiches, not groupies . . . Who would have guessed that 70’s torch rocker Linda Ronstadt would enjoy a second career as a world-class 65-and-older jai alai player?. . . There’s nothing quite like waking up drunk in a strange hotel room, only to realize that you’re actually home in bed with a WNBA star. That’s happened to me three times this month . . .  Finally, a heartfelt farewell to Vin Scully, who called his final baseball game this weekend. A lot has been said and written about Vin over the past few weeks, but no one seems to remember that he was the original inspiration for both Tom Cruise’s character in Risky Business and Willow in Joss Whedon’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He’ll be missed.